Work

Within a week of coming back from vacation, all sorts of things have been happening and mostly at the vet hospital where I work, but also just life in general.

Our tech supervisor gave her 2 week notice within a week of me coming back to work. This of course caused widespread panic and sadness as she did an insane amount of work for the hospital and was loved by all. And we are entering our really busy season with people wanting to take vacations as well. There’s been a scramble on the tech side to cover shifts which means we’re pulling extra shifts. On top of that, the office manager tells us that she will be taking over the scheduling and some other duties which were the supervisor’s. No one is very happy about the scheduling especially since the OM really doesn’t know what goes on in the treatment area not what we really need for scheduling. And she says that if she has holes in the schedule and no one has volunteered to cover them, she will just assign them to people. Really not good for me considering I’m working 2 jobs right now. But the “hospital is the first priority” and I apparently need to forget any other obligations on my time like the second job. I’m considering myself exceptionally lucky that my second job is so willing to work with me otherwise I’d probably have to quit it (which I honestly think that is what the OM is trying to make happen). I can’t afford to work only one job unfortunately. There are several weeks in which I am working 5-6 days a week and she keeps trying to get me to work more so that 3 weeks I work there 6 days. I manage to work 2 jobs without going insane because at least one of my jobs is fairly mindless. That was my intent and it works. Pulling that many days at the high stress job is going to be very taxing. So lovely…

She also tells us that she wants to meet with us all individually to chat for about 10 minutes or so. Nothing bad she says, just a chance to hear concerns and catch up… About 2 weeks after that, another tech gives her notice and so begins the scramble yet again. Morale is low at this point and people are already starting to feel the stress before the nightmare truly begins. And those meetings she’s been having with the tech team? They’re closer to an hour or longer in length and she’s ripping into people. Yeah, as if morale wasn’t already low enough. I think part of it comes from the supervisor leaving. She protected us from a bunch of crap from that office and now that she’s gone we’re ripe for the talking apparently. Before she left, the supervisor told us that she told the OM and the owner of they were smart, they’d give the techs all raises for all the hard work we’ve been having to do as well as all that we are going to have to do. No one has had a raise in years. I haven’t had one since after my 90 days review and that was almost 3 years ago. Perhaps that is why she’s tearing into us so hard. They don’t want to give us raises and are trying to give any excuse not to. Pretty poor way to treat your remaining employees. I haven’t had time to go meet with her yet and I’m really nervous at this point. Based on what the others have said about their “chats,” it’s not going to be good. I don’t know if they’re trying to get all their experienced techs to quit so they can hire new grads for less money but it sure seems like it. I think 4 of the 6 techs we currently have are ready to go on strike or at the very least all call in sick on the same day.

Another problem with work is that the more overbearing, least easy top get along with, stress prone tech seems to be taking over the supervisor position. She keeps taking on more responsibilities and is already starting to snap at the doctors. I’ll very seriously consider looking for a new job if she does become the supervisor as will at least one other tech. I’ll give things until September to get better and then I’ll leave if there’s no improvement.

On top of the situation at work, I’m in for some heartache on the home front. My rabbit appears to have a tumor growing on the side of his face and inside his cheek and on his lower lip. Took him in to work with me to get it checked and we aspirated it to see if we could find out what it is. All we found on the slide was bacteria, which could indicate a multitude of things. Tooth root abscess, abscess, necrotic mass, etc. If it’s a tooth root abscess, there’s not much I can do for him. I could take him to a specialist, have him put under anesthesia, have the tooth extracted, and hope he recovers okay. Rabbits don’t typically do well with anesthesia and most anesthetic deaths in rabbits happen in recovery. His age would also increase his risk. He’s at least 12-13 years old and that’s pretty ancient for a rabbit. If it came to that, I think the kindest thing to do for him would be to let him go. Trying him on a month long course of antibiotics to see if it helps and rule out infection/abscess. After about a week and a half, I’ve seen no improvement so far. If anything, it may be getting bigger. and he doesn’t want to take his needs like he did in the beginning. So at this point, I think he’s on hospice care. I’ll let him keep on kicking as long as he feels up to it and keeps eating. Every moment that I’m home and awake, I’m going to make sure he has time outside of kennel and outside when there’s light. I’m just going to make sure he lives the rest of his life to his fullest extent possible and that he’s comfortable. That’s all I can do at this point. I just wish that I didn’t have to work so much right now and I could spend more time with him.

Coming home

I meant to finish this post before I came back to work after my vacation last month but obviously that didn’t happen. Life has a way of making its own plans…

My brother graduated high school at the beginning of last month and I managed to take a vacation to come down for it. He went to a very small school (18 graduated this year) in our hick town of northern California and had been there since first grade. I’ve met many of the teachers there long before I even knew that transitioning was an option and saw many of them that night. I never really knew if my mom had told her coworkers about my decision to transition, especially as she seemed to have a hard time accepting the change. I didn’t know what reactions to expect since this time I was coming home with a full beard, or at least as full a beard I can grow at this time.

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t my big day and yet all the teachers I knew greeted me with no hesitation and were all very polite. One teacher even said that I was looking good and she hadn’t recognized me at first since it had been so long since I last was there. It gave me hope that people can coexist even in a backwards place like that town or that the religious right can accept people who are different from their norm.

My mother seemed different and fully accepting this time too. Far fewer slip ups and she corrected herself without anyone saying anything. There were no mistakes in public and I was very thankful for it. It was a wonderful visit which perhaps only made it harder to come back to my solitary life. It made me realize how very much alone I am up here and how little time I do get to visit my family. Once I’m out of debt and have my surgery paid for, I’m going to remedy that situation. I’ll make the time to visit more than twice a year if we’re lucky. All I have to do is very through another year and a half or two and then I’m free. That’s what I keep telling myself to get through this period. Working so much will end eventually…

Health

Disappeared under the rock that was 2 jobs for the past few months. To be honest, I felt like I no longer had a place in a community, whether it was the trans, queer, or any other community. I always seem to hang around on the outskirts, perhaps it’s because I feel uncertain of myself and of where I fit in the community. However, I’m ready to drag myself back out from under the rock I’ve crawled under, even if it is just getting back into the swing of blogging. And I realize that even if no one else reads this, I need a place to get my thoughts out. Especially since I’m kind of a loner by nature. My main purpose in starting to write again was to get some thoughts that have been plaguing me out of my head.

The main concern I have in my life right now is my health. Since January, I have been working on losing weight, exercising more, and eating healthier. Everything’s been going pretty well too – lost about 10 pounds and started the Insanity workout program in the last month. I don’t smoke, rarely ever drink, and typically eat pretty well. I recently went in to the doctor for my bi-annual check up and blood
work. Found out through the mail that my thyroid stimulating hormone (THS) is now low, meaning that I’m now hyperthyroid. There was only a note that labs will be repeated in 6 months to recheck the TSH level. At first I was surprised that I hadn’t at least had a call to let me know that I had an abnormality on my recent labs. Granted I’m not super low yet (just below the reference range) but I had a couple of other values that were a little of as well. In animal medicine, we deal with hyperthyroidism in cats so I have some understanding of what it is but no idea what to watch for in humans. Nothing was explained or any information given. Doctors wonder why people are turning to the internet so frequently these days? I did manage to find some old labs for comparison and did see that my TSH has been on a downward trend since August 2010. I wouldn’t mind waiting to recheck so much if some attempt of explaining anything had been made. Honestly, I’m a little scared about what this means for my future and my transition.

As much as I would like to change doctors, I feel stuck. I don’t have much time outside of work and I don’t even know where to start looking for someone who will work with me in my transition as well as my general health. Maybe I should be considering going to an endocrinologist since my thyroid is out of whack but there again I have no idea where I would start looking. Perhaps I’ll just take the easy way out and just wait another 6 months and revaluate at that time. In the meantime, I will continue to work out, lose weight, and work on improving my health as much as I possibly can.

Eternity

I know it’s been a really long time since I last posted so this will be a catch up type post.

Life has been a little hectic for the past couple of months.  Hell, it’s taken me over a week to write just this one post.  I’ve been working 2 jobs for a little over 2 months now and between the 2 jobs, I haven’t had a day off since August 10th.  During that time, I’ve also moved into a new place.  Didn’t realize just how hard it is to move until I was working 2 jobs and had practically no free time.  Lucky for me that my brother was really bored waiting for school to start again and wanted to take the train up to help me.  Not sure how I would have done it without his help…

 

The place I managed to find is so awesome!  For starters, it is a house instead of an apartment and it has a large garden space as well as a good sized front yard.  Plenty of cabinet space everywhere.  Just installed the ceiling fan and light (that I’ve had since I was living in Medford) in the bedroom last night.  I think all the critters are happier where we are at now.  It’s set in a quiet neighborhood just a few blocks from a middle school and there aren’t people tramping above us or up and down the stairs.  Piper is definitely much calmer and more relaxed.  I live closer to one of my coworkers and every week before I have to go to work downtown, we take Piper and her dogs for a walk and swim at a nearby park.  Piper’s borrowing a life jacket from one of the vets I work with and will actually swim without panicking now!  It’s so nice to see  him enjoy the water.  I’ve always wanted a dog that loves the water – granted, he’s not there yet but he gets closer every time he goes.  So much more confident with the life jacket on…

 

I’ve now passed 2 years on testosterone.  I can’t believe that much time has already gone by but at the same time, so much has happened in those 2 years.  I called in my next refill and this time I didn’t have any bullshit from the doctor’s office.  Didn’t even get a phone call asking me to come in for my 6 month checkup.  Funny thing is now I’m slightly paranoid something’s going to happen as I’ve had nothing but issues every time I’ve called in a refill.

 

I haven’t really noticed any more changes from the testosterone.  I don’t have the big woah, holy crap! type changes anymore.  I’m still getting more hair and continue to build muscle.  Everything seems to be progressing at a fairly steady pace.  Working the 2 jobs I have, I’ve been losing more weight but in a healthy way.  I’ve been eating healthier (most of the time) and I am definitely getting exercise in.  With any luck, I’ll be where I’d like to be physically by the time I can have surgery.  It would be wonderful accomplish 2 goals at once.

 

I think that is probably the extent of what has been going on here. Nothing too exciting it would seem.

Money Sucks…

It’s true what they say about money.  Money does make the world go ’round.  Unfortunately.

 

Since my last post, I’ve been applying for loans to cover surgery and my credit card debt.  All to no avail.  The most I can seem to get (even with using my car as collateral) is about $3,000, which is not going to come close to touching my needs.  The biggest reason for companies denying my application?  Balance to credit limits too high.  Seriously?  One of the reasons for this loan is debt consolidation but they won’t even approve that.  Lovely.  The second reason?  Apparently I don’t make enough.  Never mind the fact that I pay more on the cards now (and am paying just slightly over the interest) than I would on a loan for surgery and debt consolidation…  I don’t have any late payments or collections on my credit history either.  Credit is a joke.

 

So, at the moment I am looking for a second job.  Perhaps with additional income, they’ll finally approve it.  Haven’t heard back from any of the places I’ve applied yet.  Hoping to hear from someone soon.  I’m starting to get worried that I won’t have the finances available by December.  I don’t want to have to push my surgery back even more.  The timing was working out perfectly.  The time I was taking off of work is perfect for work and my mom and sister are coming up to take care of me post-op.  I am so ready for surgery and have been for a long time.  I don’t really know what to do at this point.  I don’t really have anyone to even co-sign on a loan with me.  Maybe it would be best to just push surgery back another year, get a second job, and just work my ass off.  The thought of it makes me die a little inside but I guess if that’s what needs to be done, then I’ll have to do it.  I’ll wait a little longer to make that decision…  Anyone know someone who’s got some extra money?

1 Year Later…

Today is the day that one year ago, I received my very first injection of testosterone.  On this day, I was a mess of emotions.  I was happy, nervous, determined, ecstatic, hopeful, ready, and finally actualized.  I was ready for whatever life decided to throw at me.  I found who I was and was finally able to make that person visible to the rest of the world.  I’ve never looked back.

Over the past year I’ve experienced a lot of changes, both physical and psychological.  I grown more hair all over my body, my voice has dropped considerably, had muscle mass and fat distribution changes, and haven’t had the dreaded monthly blood-letting since October or November.  I haven’t been referred to as a female for months now.  I’ve grown more confident in myself and more at ease in general.

There have been ups and downs but mostly ups.  I wouldn’t change anything about what has transpired in the last year.  I found a job where I am accepted for who I am rather than what I am.  I legally changed my name to Emmett Liam.  A long relationship ended but the friendship endured.  The possibility of a new romance begins to form.  My family is acknowledging and accepting my transition.  I’ve gained friends and family.  I am loved.  I’ve never felt more complete and whole.

Fall 2004

Fall 2006

March 2008

8 months on T

1 year on T

Videos can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/user/labradork1

Family Progress

So I meant to write this post last week but ended up pulling a 6 day shift at work instead.  Worked somewhere around 58 hours in those 6 days and I didn’t have the energy to write a blog post.  Even just finding the energy to make food was a daunting task some nights.  In any event, my family (minus Dad as he had to work) came up to visit me for a few days starting on July 15th.  They brought me up a car (I had just sold my old truck and needed a more reliable car so we came to an arrangement) and a barbecue because at that time I was just using a little thing you’d take to a picnic.  Since they were coming up during the days I was going to be working, they had made plans to entertain themselves while I was working and we would do something together when I came home.  Made a reservation to go to dinner at a fondue restaurant which was a blast.  I think we spent at least 2 hours there.  One night we had planned to go out to dinner and a movie but due to a headache, we stayed in, ate dinner, played Scrabble, and I introduced them to Eddie Izzard.  That was fun.  Just like old times back home.

The visit was a lot more laid back than I was expecting.  My family is really making an effort.  They are striving to use Em or Emmett and male pronouns.  If they slip up, they corrected themselves.  My mom admitted to me when we talked yesterday that the distance does make it harder since I’m not there all the time.  We generally only talk once a week unless my work schedule goes haywire, so I can see her point.  I definitely felt more at ease during this visit than I have since I decided to start transitioning.  Although, as I’ve been living alone since the 2nd week of June, I had to make the apartment look as best as I could and get used to people living with me, even if it was only temporary.  I wanted to make the place look the best I could just to make sure that my mom didn’t worry about me adjusting to life on my own.  I know she worries about me especially now that I am on my own.  In a way, I’m glad she worries.  It shows me that she still loves me.

2 1/2 weeks

I suppose it is about time that I wrote again.  I took some time off from blogging for a bit to rearrange the whirl of thoughts in my head.  So much has happened in the last two weeks but not a whole bunch of big stuff.  It seems like one of the periods of time where time has lapsed but doesn’t really feel like it.  My days have blended together to become a blur, almost indistinguishable from the next.  Let’s start with the big thing first and work our way down, shall we?

I guess the biggest thing is that Amber and I broke up about 2 1/2 weeks ago…  Coming home to a house devoid of another human presence was rough the first few days but I’m getting used to it.  All of the critters have stayed with me, so I had them to help buffer me through the first few days.  The animals are adjusting as well.  Piper still gets to visit Amber and Xander gets to see her when she stops by.  I think the other critters around the house don’t really mind all that much.  They just want someone to feed them and let them out to run around the house…  We’re still good friends – that was something we promised each other in the event that we would ever break it off.  I’m glad that there is still the friendship.  After all, Amber was the one who helped me come out of my shell and helped support me while I was deciding whether or not I wanted to transition.

Something that seems rather bizarre to me throughout all of this is that my family seems to finally be fully accepting my transition.  Almost as if they thought that Amber was pressuring me into it.  Hell, my mom even asked me if “I was going to keep doing this other thing” when I was talking to her during a weekly chat and telling her about the break up.  Just told her that yes, I am and nothing is going to change that.  Maybe that’s what she needed to hear all along…

I’ve noticed that some things have changed for me as well.  I definitely don’t eat as much – hell, sometimes I even forget to eat dinner and then look at the clock to see that it’s already time for bed.  With that side effect, I’ve found that I’ve lost some weight.  I can actually pull my jeans fairly easily off my ass with the button and zipper still done up.  Had to cinch my belt in another notch…  And no, I don’t think this is all due to me forgetting to eat recently.  Before we broke up, I was noticing that my jeans seemed to be getting a little baggier.  This just seemed to help push things along a little more. The dog and I go for more frequent walks now too.

I’m still working on changing everything to my not-so-new-now name.  Finally called my doctor’s office and changed the name there and called Strohecker’s Pharmacy to change it there as well.  Both places were exceptionally easy, although I admit that I had only changed the records there mainly because I needed a refill of my testosterone.  I think the only places I have to change my name now are at the credit card companies.  Have the form for one of them and the other I actually need to go into a branch office to change it.  Oh, and I need to change my name with the apartment complex…  I’ll get everything changed over eventually.

I also recently obtained a new camera, technically my first digital camera.  Got an Olympus Stylus on sale and it is nice.  Haven’t tried out the video feature yet but I will soon.  The camera that was here was Amber’s so I needed to get my own camera to record video updates.  I will record a new video in the next few days to update my youtube account.

Anyways, I think that is about it for the moment.  However my thought processes are a little fuzzy and ADD at the moment due to the fact that I actually drank some alcohol tonight.  Just felt like a good night for it.  If there’s anything I missed, I’ll write another blog post about later.  I am always looking for thoughts on future post topics.  I feel like I neglect things here sometimes from a lack of things to write about.  Please drop me a line or a comment with any thoughts you have.  Thanks!

http://www.sextoy.com/prod_info.php?a=essinem&pnum=CNVELD-7431-53

Today…

Today is the first day that I can celebrate my birthday legally as Emmett! There’s a first time for everything. And now I’m going to go spend the day at the zoo as it would appear that the weather is cooperating.

Birthdays

I started thinking last night and it carried over to this morning.  In a little over a week I will be turning 23 years of age.  It will also be the first birthday being legally Emmett.  This time last year, I was mainly Em to all our friends (it wasn’t very often that someone actually called me Emmett), had not started T yet, and had not yet told my family.  Here’s an interesting tidbit I just realized: in relation to my birthday, I started T about the time I would have been conceived.  I will have been on T for about 9 1/2 months on my birthday.  So this year’s birthday really will be a special sort of birthday for me.