Our tech supervisor gave her 2 week notice within a week of me coming back to work. This of course caused widespread panic and sadness as she did an insane amount of work for the hospital and was loved by all. And we are entering our really busy season with people wanting to take vacations as well. There’s been a scramble on the tech side to cover shifts which means we’re pulling extra shifts. On top of that, the office manager tells us that she will be taking over the scheduling and some other duties which were the supervisor’s. No one is very happy about the scheduling especially since the OM really doesn’t know what goes on in the treatment area not what we really need for scheduling. And she says that if she has holes in the schedule and no one has volunteered to cover them, she will just assign them to people. Really not good for me considering I’m working 2 jobs right now. But the “hospital is the first priority” and I apparently need to forget any other obligations on my time like the second job. I’m considering myself exceptionally lucky that my second job is so willing to work with me otherwise I’d probably have to quit it (which I honestly think that is what the OM is trying to make happen). I can’t afford to work only one job unfortunately. There are several weeks in which I am working 5-6 days a week and she keeps trying to get me to work more so that 3 weeks I work there 6 days. I manage to work 2 jobs without going insane because at least one of my jobs is fairly mindless. That was my intent and it works. Pulling that many days at the high stress job is going to be very taxing. So lovely…

She also tells us that she wants to meet with us all individually to chat for about 10 minutes or so. Nothing bad she says, just a chance to hear concerns and catch up… About 2 weeks after that, another tech gives her notice and so begins the scramble yet again. Morale is low at this point and people are already starting to feel the stress before the nightmare truly begins. And those meetings she’s been having with the tech team? They’re closer to an hour or longer in length and she’s ripping into people. Yeah, as if morale wasn’t already low enough. I think part of it comes from the supervisor leaving. She protected us from a bunch of crap from that office and now that she’s gone we’re ripe for the talking apparently. Before she left, the supervisor told us that she told the OM and the owner of they were smart, they’d give the techs all raises for all the hard work we’ve been having to do as well as all that we are going to have to do. No one has had a raise in years. I haven’t had one since after my 90 days review and that was almost 3 years ago. Perhaps that is why she’s tearing into us so hard. They don’t want to give us raises and are trying to give any excuse not to. Pretty poor way to treat your remaining employees. I haven’t had time to go meet with her yet and I’m really nervous at this point. Based on what the others have said about their “chats,” it’s not going to be good. I don’t know if they’re trying to get all their experienced techs to quit so they can hire new grads for less money but it sure seems like it. I think 4 of the 6 techs we currently have are ready to go on strike or at the very least all call in sick on the same day.

Another problem with work is that the more overbearing, least easy top get along with, stress prone tech seems to be taking over the supervisor position. She keeps taking on more responsibilities and is already starting to snap at the doctors. I’ll very seriously consider looking for a new job if she does become the supervisor as will at least one other tech. I’ll give things until September to get better and then I’ll leave if there’s no improvement.

On top of the situation at work, I’m in for some heartache on the home front. My rabbit appears to have a tumor growing on the side of his face and inside his cheek and on his lower lip. Took him in to work with me to get it checked and we aspirated it to see if we could find out what it is. All we found on the slide was bacteria, which could indicate a multitude of things. Tooth root abscess, abscess, necrotic mass, etc. If it’s a tooth root abscess, there’s not much I can do for him. I could take him to a specialist, have him put under anesthesia, have the tooth extracted, and hope he recovers okay. Rabbits don’t typically do well with anesthesia and most anesthetic deaths in rabbits happen in recovery. His age would also increase his risk. He’s at least 12-13 years old and that’s pretty ancient for a rabbit. If it came to that, I think the kindest thing to do for him would be to let him go. Trying him on a month long course of antibiotics to see if it helps and rule out infection/abscess. After about a week and a half, I’ve seen no improvement so far. If anything, it may be getting bigger. and he doesn’t want to take his needs like he did in the beginning. So at this point, I think he’s on hospice care. I’ll let him keep on kicking as long as he feels up to it and keeps eating. Every moment that I’m home and awake, I’m going to make sure he has time outside of kennel and outside when there’s light. I’m just going to make sure he lives the rest of his life to his fullest extent possible and that he’s comfortable. That’s all I can do at this point. I just wish that I didn’t have to work so much right now and I could spend more time with him.

My brother graduated high school at the beginning of last month and I managed to take a vacation to come down for it. He went to a very small school (18 graduated this year) in our hick town of northern California and had been there since first grade. I’ve met many of the teachers there long before I even knew that transitioning was an option and saw many of them that night. I never really knew if my mom had told her coworkers about my decision to transition, especially as she seemed to have a hard time accepting the change. I didn’t know what reactions to expect since this time I was coming home with a full beard, or at least as full a beard I can grow at this time.

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t my big day and yet all the teachers I knew greeted me with no hesitation and were all very polite. One teacher even said that I was looking good and she hadn’t recognized me at first since it had been so long since I last was there. It gave me hope that people can coexist even in a backwards place like that town or that the religious right can accept people who are different from their norm.

My mother seemed different and fully accepting this time too. Far fewer slip ups and she corrected herself without anyone saying anything. There were no mistakes in public and I was very thankful for it. It was a wonderful visit which perhaps only made it harder to come back to my solitary life. It made me realize how very much alone I am up here and how little time I do get to visit my family. Once I’m out of debt and have my surgery paid for, I’m going to remedy that situation. I’ll make the time to visit more than twice a year if we’re lucky. All I have to do is very through another year and a half or two and then I’m free. That’s what I keep telling myself to get through this period. Working so much will end eventually…

The main concern I have in my life right now is my health. Since January, I have been working on losing weight, exercising more, and eating healthier. Everything’s been going pretty well too – lost about 10 pounds and started the Insanity workout program in the last month. I don’t smoke, rarely ever drink, and typically eat pretty well. I recently went in to the doctor for my bi-annual check up and blood
work. Found out through the mail that my thyroid stimulating hormone (THS) is now low, meaning that I’m now hyperthyroid. There was only a note that labs will be repeated in 6 months to recheck the TSH level. At first I was surprised that I hadn’t at least had a call to let me know that I had an abnormality on my recent labs. Granted I’m not super low yet (just below the reference range) but I had a couple of other values that were a little of as well. In animal medicine, we deal with hyperthyroidism in cats so I have some understanding of what it is but no idea what to watch for in humans. Nothing was explained or any information given. Doctors wonder why people are turning to the internet so frequently these days? I did manage to find some old labs for comparison and did see that my TSH has been on a downward trend since August 2010. I wouldn’t mind waiting to recheck so much if some attempt of explaining anything had been made. Honestly, I’m a little scared about what this means for my future and my transition.

As much as I would like to change doctors, I feel stuck. I don’t have much time outside of work and I don’t even know where to start looking for someone who will work with me in my transition as well as my general health. Maybe I should be considering going to an endocrinologist since my thyroid is out of whack but there again I have no idea where I would start looking. Perhaps I’ll just take the easy way out and just wait another 6 months and revaluate at that time. In the meantime, I will continue to work out, lose weight, and work on improving my health as much as I possibly can.

Life has been a little hectic for the past couple of months.  Hell, it’s taken me over a week to write just this one post.  I’ve been working 2 jobs for a little over 2 months now and between the 2 jobs, I haven’t had a day off since August 10th.  During that time, I’ve also moved into a new place.  Didn’t realize just how hard it is to move until I was working 2 jobs and had practically no free time.  Lucky for me that my brother was really bored waiting for school to start again and wanted to take the train up to help me.  Not sure how I would have done it without his help…

The place I managed to find is so awesome!  For starters, it is a house instead of an apartment and it has a large garden space as well as a good sized front yard.  Plenty of cabinet space everywhere.  Just installed the ceiling fan and light (that I’ve had since I was living in Medford) in the bedroom last night.  I think all the critters are happier where we are at now.  It’s set in a quiet neighborhood just a few blocks from a middle school and there aren’t people tramping above us or up and down the stairs.  Piper is definitely much calmer and more relaxed.  I live closer to one of my coworkers and every week before I have to go to work downtown, we take Piper and her dogs for a walk and swim at a nearby park.  Piper’s borrowing a life jacket from one of the vets I work with and will actually swim without panicking now!  It’s so nice to see  him enjoy the water.  I’ve always wanted a dog that loves the water – granted, he’s not there yet but he gets closer every time he goes.  So much more confident with the life jacket on…

I’ve now passed 2 years on testosterone.  I can’t believe that much time has already gone by but at the same time, so much has happened in those 2 years.  I called in my next refill and this time I didn’t have any bullshit from the doctor’s office.  Didn’t even get a phone call asking me to come in for my 6 month checkup.  Funny thing is now I’m slightly paranoid something’s going to happen as I’ve had nothing but issues every time I’ve called in a refill.

I haven’t really noticed any more changes from the testosterone.  I don’t have the big woah, holy crap! type changes anymore.  I’m still getting more hair and continue to build muscle.  Everything seems to be progressing at a fairly steady pace.  Working the 2 jobs I have, I’ve been losing more weight but in a healthy way.  I’ve been eating healthier (most of the time) and I am definitely getting exercise in.  With any luck, I’ll be where I’d like to be physically by the time I can have surgery.  It would be wonderful accomplish 2 goals at once.

I think that is probably the extent of what has been going on here. Nothing too exciting it would seem.

There are only 2 drawbacks that I can see with working a second job.  First, I won’t be home as much.  I don’t worry overly much about the critters because the other than the pup, they’re pretty self-reliant as long as I give them some food and keep the boxes clean.  With the pup, I believe that his mother will spend some more time with him and take him out for a walk while I work.  The second drawback is that I won’t be able to visit with my family for some time unless they come up here to visit with me.  Holidays especially will be more difficult to get away.  Since I don’t work holidays at my primary job, I’ll be pretty much guaranteed a shift at this second job.  I figure that between holiday pay and tips, it’ll be well worth it to stick around.  The way I’ve figured it, for the next 2-3 years I’ll work 2 jobs.  In 1 – 1.5 years, I’ll have all my debts paid off and then I can continue to work a second job to save for surgery.  After I take care of those 2 things, I’ll be doing just fine financially on one job.  I’m young enough that 2-3 years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things.

If all goes according to plan, I’ll be able to pay for my surgery without having to take out a loan once my current debts are paid off and I’ll be able to get surgery within 3 years at most.  And I won’t have additional debts to pay off once I do get my surgery.  This is better than I had been hoping for, especially in the last few months.  I have a more positive outlook on my future now.

I called in my prescription to Strohecker’s on the 7th of this month after I had done an injection the day before. I normally get my script in 2-3 days after I call it in or a call letting me know if the doctor’s office has denied the refill.  Didn’t really think anything of it until a week had gone by and I had received neither a phone call nor my script.   After a week and a half, I called Strohecker’s and found out that it had not been filled yet because they were still waiting to hear back from the doctor’s office.  Things have been busy at work so I didn’t get the chance to call again until Friday evening after they had closed – same story.  Called again on Monday during my lunch and still nothing from the doctor.  I was going to call the doctor then but realized that I didn’t have their phone number in my phone.  I intended to call today but ended up sidetracking myself by trying to find some order in the mess my apartment had become.  (I’ve had lumber strewed across my living room for the past month while I work on my bed frame.  I couldn’t take the mess any more and finally did something about it.)  I was reminded by my intention when the headache started developing around 7:30pm.  So now I’m stuck with a headache until I can get a hold of the doctor to figure out what the hell is going on this time.  I’m going to get my script filled again and change doctors because I’ve had enough of this bullshit.  This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

The last time I called in my refill it was denied by the doctor.  Apparently, I wasn’t due to finish the bottle for another few weeks.  This led to a big hassle as I knew that I was doing my dosage correctly, hell, I calculate and draw up medications daily when I work.  No patient has had a complication from an overdose of drugs I’ve drawn up…  The doctor wanted me to come in.  I’m guessing she wanted me to come in to make sure I was drawing it up correctly; I’m still not sure why, especially considering I had already told them I was out of meds.  When I calculated out the amount of waste in the hub of the syringe for every time you draw up your next injection, I was exactly where I was supposed to be in my schedule.  Finally managed to prevail on them that way and got my script filled.  It was just more hassle than it should have been.

Now that I think about it further, I realize that I still have not gotten a call as a reminder to schedule another appointment.  They’ve always called me at 6 months for exam and blood work.  That should have been in February but I haven’t heard anything yet.  Lovely.

I just hope that this doesn’t take too long to resolve this time.  2 1/2 weeks is way too long to not respond in any way to a refill request.  Granted this isn’t a crucial-to-the-continuation-of-life type of medication, such as coumadin or atenolol or something along the same lines, but what if it were?

It’s been so long since I’ve last written that I’m not really sure where to start.  I suppose I should start where I left off.  Probably be a good place to begin anew.

I ended up cancelling my surgery with Dr. Nyguyen for January 7th.  Postpone is a better word, I think.  I still plan to have my surgery performed by him once I have the finances to do so.  I am still chipping away at my debts and working to get those down before I pursue surgery.  Once I made the decision to hold off until my financial situation improved, I, oddly enough, felt more at peace with my body.  I am alright with binding whenever I leave the house.  I don’t worry as much about my top giving away my inner secret.  Perhaps my outer appearances have something to do with that as well.  I still very much look forward to the day I can wear one shirt and take that shirt off if I felt like it, but I am okay with waiting longer.  And perhaps it will work out in the long run.

Aflac does supplemental insurance with my place of employment.  Recently my office manager spoke to our representative as we are at the point where we need to renew our insurances for the new year.  She asked them on my behalf if there were any policies that would help me with paying for top surgery.  Apparently, after phone calls to office headquarters, the representative found something that may work for me.  I need to speak with her further and will be scheduling an appointment once we figure out if there is enough interest for the reps to come back to the hospital and group multiple individual appointments in one day or just contact individually.  Really hoping that something feasible is available.  I would love to have help paying for an expense this large.  It’ll happen one way or another but it would be nice to have someone on my side.

I went home for Christmas and was glad to be back with the family for a few days.  It’s kind of funny how when siblings are living together day after day, all you want to do is bicker or kill each other, but when there is distance, you just want to spend time together.  Changes don’t matter.  You’re family and you haven’t seen each other in months.  It nice to be accepted so unconditionally.  Grandma kept complimenting me on how well I was looking and Dad even joked (I think) about how envious he and my brother were that I could grow a full beard.  I’m not quite to the full beard stage yet but it was nice to be one of the guys in my own family.

Not much in the way of changes from testosterone in the last 4 or so months.  More facial/body hair and voice is a little deeper (not much).  I’ll make a video post soon on youtube to monitor the voice change.  I’ve been trying to go to the gym regularly but something always seems to happen 1-2 weeks into a routine.  This last time was an infection that I had to go on antibiotics for.  I don’t know what it is about antibiotics but they always mess me up… This time it sapped my energy and motivation to do anything.  Last round of antibiotics exhausted me – I literally went to work, came home and passed out on the couch, woke up to eat something and take another pill, and then went to bed.  This time wasn’t as bad as that but I definitely couldn’t find the desire to do anything.  Wasn’t eating as much or as healthy primarily because I didn’t want to cook.  Started feeling human again two days after finishing the course and just went to the gym again a week later.

I have also been able to start running.  For some time, it was actually hurting me to go for a run.  One time I ended up tweaking my back somehow and it was hurting for close to a week after.  After going to the gym regularly and losing some excess weight, I can run without hurting afterwards.  I think I just got to a point where I was too heavy for my own joints.  I still have more weight to lose but my body is happier now than it was just 2 months ago.

I currently do not have a bed and am sleeping on the floor.  I had been sleeping on an air mattress since July or August but after the second one decided to give out last month, I decided to wait until I got a new mattress.  Maybe by the time I’m finished making my bed frame, I’ll be in a position to afford a mattress.  Would be nice.  It gets a little tiring sleeping on the floor.  I have made it slightly more comfortable by piling 5 comforters and sleeping bags together along with a few extra pillows but it doesn’t really compare to an actual mattress.

I also got my insurance changed over to my legal name so once I get the new insurance cards, I’ll be able to have my name changed on my medical records.  Finally!

I think that is all that has happened around here in the past few months.  I may try writing something besides transitioning related material here so I don’t neglect this blog so badly.  We shall see in time.

Since my last post, I’ve been applying for loans to cover surgery and my credit card debt.  All to no avail.  The most I can seem to get (even with using my car as collateral) is about $3,000, which is not going to come close to touching my needs.  The biggest reason for companies denying my application?  Balance to credit limits too high.  Seriously?  One of the reasons for this loan is debt consolidation but they won’t even approve that.  Lovely.  The second reason?  Apparently I don’t make enough.  Never mind the fact that I pay more on the cards now (and am paying just slightly over the interest) than I would on a loan for surgery and debt consolidation…  I don’t have any late payments or collections on my credit history either.  Credit is a joke.

So, at the moment I am looking for a second job.  Perhaps with additional income, they’ll finally approve it.  Haven’t heard back from any of the places I’ve applied yet.  Hoping to hear from someone soon.  I’m starting to get worried that I won’t have the finances available by December.  I don’t want to have to push my surgery back even more.  The timing was working out perfectly.  The time I was taking off of work is perfect for work and my mom and sister are coming up to take care of me post-op.  I am so ready for surgery and have been for a long time.  I don’t really know what to do at this point.  I don’t really have anyone to even co-sign on a loan with me.  Maybe it would be best to just push surgery back another year, get a second job, and just work my ass off.  The thought of it makes me die a little inside but I guess if that’s what needs to be done, then I’ll have to do it.  I’ll wait a little longer to make that decision…  Anyone know someone who’s got some extra money?

In preparation for this auspicious event, I am spending more time in the gym trying to lose some excess body fat prior to surgery.  Luckily the apartment complex upgraded the gym a little bit and it’s easier to use.  They finally put in free weights and made it so you can actually use the weight tower.  Also added an elliptical.  Damn, those things really work up a sweat!  I swear I’m going to have to start doing laundry more frequently now…

Thank you for all the support and well wishes I have received!  It means a lot to me.