Been Awhile…

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated here. So here goes…

I’ve been doing pretty consistent video update videos on youtube… No idea if people are actually watching them and liking what they’re seeing but oh well. It’s been interesting being able to see how my facial features are changing and hear my voice dropping as well. That was the intent of the videos after all, for me to be able to see changes over time. Granted I can see changes little by little, but until I am actually looking at the past videos, I don’t fully realize all the changes that have occurred. I’m going to continue to make videos and will probably be updating here less frequently. Just a refresher for anyone who wants to know, I’m labradork1 on youtube.

In speaking of changes, I’m seeing the changes while on the cream. It took awhile for me to start seeing/feeling changes on the cream. When I had my first (and only) injection, I didn’t really feel any different but my body was loving it, especially the increased sex drive. After the T was out of my system, my sex drive dropped to nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a blip on the radar. Took being on the cream for about a week, week and a half before I started getting any semblance of a sex drive again. In terms of physical changes, my face is becoming more angular. Definitely not as round as it was prior to starting T. I’m becoming a hairy beast as well. I’m shaving at least once a week. Getting fuzzy on my cheeks and growing a pretty good little cluster of dark hairs on my upper lip. Arm and leg hairs are getting darker and more noticeable. Also growing hairs on my stomach and back. My voice is continuing to drop and crack some as well. Binding my chest can be a little taxing sometimes. It feels difficult to breathe deeply and just makes life a pain in general. I look forward to never having to wear a binder ever again but as I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford surgery, I enjoy the days I don’t have to go anywhere so I don’t have to wear the binder. I think that’s it on the changes front…

On to the rest of life…

I just got laid off from my job this past week. Not due to my transitioning in the slightest. Everyone was pretty damn supportive of my decision to transition. The company was going through some rough financial times (stupid economy) and I was the last one hired in my department… I left on a good note and it seemed that everyone was sad to see me go. For now I am applying for unemployment and will be looking for a new job. We may be moving up Portland. More opportunities for me up there in so many ways. There are more job ops for CVTs and the community is better in general. Found a job that sounds really good. Planning to update my resume and cover letter today and email it to the contact person. We’ll see how things go.

Last time I talked with my mom, I asked her if she had told my grandparents. She had and apparently things went fine. My grandfather was of the mindset that if I was going to be happier because of my decision, then so be it. We had a family friend that lived with my great-grandmother when she was alive. She was a depressive alcoholic and eventually died due to liver damage. My family believes that she probably had an underlying gender identity disorder and that contributed to her state of being. My family doesn’t want to see me go down the same sort of path and just want me to be happy and successful.

This is my life at the moment. Check my youtube channel for more frequent updates.

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Catching Up

So I haven’t been updating this blog as often as I probably should. Here’s a brief recap of the past 2-3 weeks:

-Got my first injection on the 13th of August. Didn’t really feel any pain from the injection itself but about 7 hours later, stood up and almost fell because my injection site leg suddenly buckled underneath me. Leg was very sore for the next few days.

-Was supposed to go have a nurse watch me inject myself on the 27th of August. Received a phone call about 5 minutes before I was ready to head out for my appointment telling me not to come in because the doctor was uncomfortable about something. Turns out the supervising doctor was uncomfortable with IM injections, especially self-injecting and wanted me to try the cream instead. My main concerns were effectiveness, mess, and cost. My NP did some research before she got back to me and even found a compounding pharmacy that would prepare the cream at a low cost. 2 months worth of cream for $39.

-Picked up the cream on the 4th of September and started it that night when I got home from work. Am now applying the cream in the mornings after I shower. After about a month, month and a half, I am supposed to go back to see my NP to discuss how I am feeling on the cream and do some blood work to evaluate how my body is responding to the cream… We’ll see how it goes.

-Came out at work at the beginning of the week I started T. Everything is going pretty well at the moment. The majority of my coworkers are completely supportive of whatever I choose to do. One coworker apparently reacted very badly to being informed of what I am doing. We’ll see how well that continues to go. My coworkers are working on calling me Em or Emmett when they address me and I am getting a new name tag made that says Emmett.

-I passed my test for Vet Tech certification but have run into a hang up on getting the actual license in my possession. Apparently the class I took in college for radiology is not sufficient for the board’s radiation safety requirement… Meaning I have to take a 20 hour class held over 2 days to get a stupid certificate that says I have taken a class for radiation safety… Ugh. I am going to be bored off my ass. The board won’t issue me my license until I fax them a copy of the certificate. Next class is scheduled for next week so at least there is that.

Other than that, not much is happening. I’ve been updating my youtube account more frequently than this one. Check it out for any happenings: http://www.youtube.com/user/labradork1

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I’m Alive! Really!

I apologize in advance for not having updated my blog in a while… Plenty to write about though! So without further ado, the updates!

To start things off, I finally came out to my family, namely my mom, on the 6th of July. She came back from the Europe trip and took Amber and I out to dinner. That was stressful… Wanted to talk to her in person that night but she was so exhausted that she passed out shortly after dinner. I ended up writing her a note that I slipped into her bag when I took it out to the car in the morning. She apparently took it rather hard even though it wasn’t entirely unexpected. I gave her some time to process her emotions and everything else. My mom wrote me an email that Thursday (the 9th) but unfortunately I didn’t see it until about 10 that night (stupid power went out for a couple hours that day… grrrr) and quickly wrote her a short email. Would have like to have said more in the email but I was rather exhausted… The short story of the whole coming out business with my mom is that she doesn’t quite understand but is at least accepting. She is trying to use different pronouns and wasn’t sure about the name… Amber and I told her that most of our friends that know just call me M… She seemed to toss it around a bit. So far she’s kind of avoiding using a name… At least she’s trying.

Next topic… I passed my test to become a certified veterinary technician! Now just have to finish the last few things for the state of Oregon and then it will be official.

And last but not least… I saw the nurse practitioner who will be getting me started on T. Got to get blood drawn for some blood work prior to starting T but the prescription will be called in shortly. I go back next Thursday for the first injection and to be taught how to do self-injections! Things are moving fast now! Everything is finally starting to fall into place… Need to start the paperwork to begin the name change process. I plan on telling work after my first injection. Amber helped me take pre-T measurements, pics, and a video clip showing me prior to T. I plan to starting doing clips periodically to see the difference with T. Now that I’m actually going to be physically starting the transitioning process, I promise to update my blog more frequently. On that note, I leave you with the clip of me now:

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It’s been awhile…

Alright, so I got caught up in studying for the test and life in general… Plus I couldn’t really come up with something to make a blog post out of. Still having a difficult time with that so this post will mainly be a catch-up sort of post.

First off, the vet tech test is finished. Now it’s just a matter of waiting for the results to come out, which will be in another 4-6 weeks…

Second, my girlfriend and I had to euthanize our old girl on the 27th of June. Her pain meds weren’t really doing much for her anymore and we could tell it was time. The day we decided to let her go was one of the better days she had had for quite some time. Amber spoiled her with food that day while I worked (have to work a half-day on Saturdays) and when I came home, I played ball with her and cuddled with her. One of the vets I work with came out to the house so we didn’t have to take her into the clinic where Jonna always stressed. We gave her some sedation so everything would go really smooth and the sedation kicked in very quickly… Quicker than sedation given in the muscle usually takes. We figure there must have been something else going on with her like a mass somewhere. We said our goodbyes and held her as she passed away. After she was gone, we let our younger dog, Piper, come out and see her so he would know she was gone. He was pretty depressed the next morning and wanted cuddles the entire day. We’re all doing better now and it was for the best.

Third, my mom and sister are out of the country and I will be picking up my mom from the airport tomorrow (sister doesn’t come back for another month). This will also be the time that I tell my mom that I am transitioning… We’ll play it by ear and see how things work out. If there is a good time to do this in person, I’ll do it then. If there isn’t a time before she drives back home, I have a letter that I will slip into her suitcase for her to read when she gets home… Either way, I will be coming out to my mom this week. Here’s to hoping everything goes okay… Also, probably going to be starting T within the next month or two. Just need to make an appointment with the doctor/nurse practitioner couple my counselor recommended. Amber just went to them for a routine visit and while she was there, asked them if they would be able to get me started on T… Turns out, they’ve helped other FtMs in the past… Things are looking good from that prospective.

We went rafting with a group of my coworkers and their significant others yesterday and had a blast. I was a little bit nervous as I have not come out at work and was going to be wearing board shorts and a muscle shirt. I stopped shaving months ago and the female coworkers are very feminine and straight in every sense of the word. Things went well though and I was in a raft with my one male coworker (excluding the vets), his girlfriend and sister, sister’s friend, and Amber. We all had so much fun, especially when we decided to splash the other raft. Damn I’m glad I wasn’t in that raft… You would have thought those girls came to the river to stay dry… Had so much fun that Amber and I are thinking of going out in a smaller raft sometime soon.

I think that is all that I have to talk about for the moment. Looking back, I guess I had more to write about than I thought… Now that life is calming down, I’ll try to update this blog more frequently.

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Life at the moment…

Wow, it’s been a long time since I updated my blog… Oops… Life kinda got in the way.

Since I last updated, I filled out the patient questionnaire and received an estimate for top surgery by Dr. Brownstein. I was quoted $8650 for a double incision chest reconstruction surgery. Ouch. On the plus side, I won’t have to fly out anywhere as San Francisco is about 6 1/2 hours from where I live. I am having trouble figuring out how to finance the surgery. Just applied to SurgeryLoans.com about 2 weeks ago… Got a letter from them yesterday saying that they were unable to give me a loan because they were unable to verify my address or phone number. Why won’t places accept that there are actual addresses that have 1/2 in them (such as 555 1/2)… They do actually exist! I live at one of them! Going to have to give them a call to dispute this… So right now I am unsure whether to schedule surgery and work on getting a loan secured before the surgery or wait. Top surgery is the one thing that I absolutely without a doubt want to do. If someone came up to and told me I could only do one thing in my transitioning, I would choose top surgery with no hesitation. Sure I want to take T and at some point get some sort of bottom surgery but I would be willing to wait. My chest is the one thing that is preventing me from passing as male well! Sorry for the mini-rant… I feel very strongly about my chest…

In other aspects on my life… I was bit on my wrist by a cat at work a little over a week and a half ago. Damn thing swelled up rather spectacularly… Actually went to see the doctor for that one. In less than 24 hours, it was well swollen and I got some purulent fluid out of it… Didn’t want to play with that one considering how close it was to my joint. I had to get an antibiotic injection and a tetanus shot as well. I was put on massive doses of antibiotics that knocked me flat on my ass. For the first 4 or 5 days, I was in bed by 9:30pm which is very usual for me. Usually I am up until 10:30-11:00pm. Wrist finally stopped swelling 4 days after the initial injury. The time that it was swollen sucked. Of course the cat had to bite me on my left wrist (my everything hand) and make everything almost impossible. Made it through that trial and the wrist is almost completely healed.

Haven’t made an appointment to see the doctor/nurse practitioner couple who may be able to get me my T… Wanted to wait until I was completely healed to go see another doctor… I’ll probably give them a call here soon to see if they will even be able to do that… Money is a little tight right now so I don’t want to waste my money.

I have another counseling appointment on the 28th of this month… I’m supposed to write sample letters that I would send to my parents and grandparents. I’ve been thinking lately that it would be easiest to write a letter… I’m very afraid of losing my family and don’t want to be right there if they decide they don’t want to have anything to do with me. Definitely want to send a letter to my grandparents since my grandma is so difficult… Guess I will have to sit down and write those this weekend.

I think that is all for my life at the moment… Posts may be sporadic until after the 19th of June. I’m studying my ass off for the test I will take on the 19th to become a certified technician. Hope everything goes well.

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Coming Out

So last night I was talking to my sister K about transsexuals, hoping to find out how she felt about the subject and find a way to break the news to her. She is a very open-minded person (especially for not even being out of high school yet in a very conservative town) and I felt that I would be more able to gauge my family’s reaction based on her reaction. I hadn’t really intended to come out to her at that time. I was just going to give her time to digest what we were talking about and have a few more discussions before I told her. However, things didn’t really work out like I had planned. After talking for a little bit, K came right out and asked me. So I told her yes and also that I wasn’t ready to tell the rest of the family. She assured me that she wouldn’t say anything. She asked a few more questions and told me she was maybe a little shocked but proud of me because she didn’t think she would be able to do what I am doing. Also works out for her that she is very much a girl… We talked for a little bit longer and she told me she loved me before we both signed off for the night.

So far, things are going well in terms of coming out to the family. Hopefully they continue to go well. I am expecting the most opposition from my grandma… We’ll see how everything goes. Still don’t know how I am going to tell them. At least with my sister, we have already talked about equality and gays and lesbians so it was a little easier to find an opening. Here’s hoping everything goes okay…

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Life

So things have been pretty good in my life lately. I’ve just been flat out exhausted after last week at work. Wasn’t the greatest week I’ve ever worked. Usually if I have any bad times at work it is only a day here and there. Last week kicked my ass though. Probably had something to do with getting bit by a dog and then scratched to hell by two different cats (I love my job, I really do, even if it is a little dangerous). Things are going better this week (despite getting scratched again today) especially after I got enough sleep.

Found out a couple of days ago that some of my coworkers are more open-minded than I thought. Including one of the more religious people there. I was pretty shocked. Two of my coworkers and I were in the break room having lunch and R was reading the article in People magazine about the transgender mayor in Silverton, OR. She made a comment about the article and I made mention of the fact that the guy didn’t seem to much of a transsexual. B agreed and said he was more of a crossdresser. The guy referred to himself as he, still went by the male name Stu, and basically still considered himself male. Just liked to dress as a woman. Anyways, the conversation turned to transsexuals in general and both R and B had no problems with transsexuals. B said she really doesn’t care what someones orientation or identity is, she just didn’t want to hear the details. Now the only question is, are they really OK with it or does it change if it is someone they know? Guess we’ll find out at some point. So all in all things are going well right now.

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